The Mueller Report Makes It Clear: Nancy Peolosi Needs to Make Impeachment an Election Issue

After having read the Mueller Report, and seeing the voluminous takes on what we’ve been able to glean from the unredacted parts, in my estimation the electoral calculus for Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer should be pretty damn simple. It goes like this:

The Actual Mueller Report + Barr’s Behavior = Impeachment Is An Election Issue

In recent interviews, Speaker Pelosi has seemed less than eager to even discuss the possibility of impeaching Trump. To be fair, at the time her reasoning made more sense to me. We hadn’t seen the Mueller report, and hadn’t read what is, bar none, a clear and obvious path toward doing exactly that. If you’ve read the Mueller Report and come away with anything other than “Trump obstructed justice,” you either didn’t read it at all, or you have a personal reason for continuing to defend Donald Trump. Because Mueller outright told Congress in the report itself that while he couldn’t criminalize Trump’s actions, they most certainly can.

“The conclusion that Congress may apply the obstruction laws to the President’s corrupt exercise of the powers of office accords with our constitutional system of checks and balances and the principle that no person is above the law,” the report reads. (Guardian)

That sentence is so damning it’s kind of hard to process. For starters, it makes it extremely clear what Mueller’s team thinks of Trump’s actions. It’s not a vague phrase, “the President’s corrupt exercise of the powers of office,” is it? President Trump abused his office. I mean, no fucking duh he did, right? But there it is, crystal clear, in black and white. You can argue if you want that Mueller should have had the guts to push his conclusions one step further and recommend a specific course of action, but that wasn’t his place, or at least he didn’t think so. And besides, he gave us more than what we need to impeach that bloated reality-TV trust fund racist sack of shit.

Do you know who else’s balls that quote nails to the wall? Bill Barr’s. Barr was asked directly in his publicity stunt of a press conference whether Mueller punted the question of obstruction to Congress. Barr flat out lied. There’s no ambiguity in this, because we have the fucking receipts in the form of Mueller’s Report.

Barr also, oddly, claimed Mueller wrote the report “for me as the attorney general; he is required under the regulation to provide me with a confidential report.” But the investigation started long before Barr was appointed, of course, and not for an attorney general’s edification, but, as Mueller’s marching orders state, to examine Russian interference in the 2016 election and any links with the Trump campaign, and prosecute any federal crimes that were unearthed. (QZ)

That wasn’t the only way Barr lied to the American public about Mueller’s report either. QZ’s article that I just quoted and linked to has a couple of other good examples you should check out.

So now that the report is out, and now that we’ve seen Attorney General William Barr is willing to outright lie about what the report says or doesn’t say, Nancy better be amenable to impeachment. Effectively, what Mueller’s report says is that Trump definitely did shady, unscrupulous, immoral acts. Mueller led Congress right down the road that ends in impeachment, and if Pelosi ignores that, God fucking help her.

And the thing is, the only place Trump’s dog and pony bullshit show is going over is in the deepest recesses of TrumpLandia. Sane Republicans, and yes liberals do need to come to grips with the fact that that breed of Republican is out there, are already blowing the whistle on Barr’s brazen buffoonery.

Mueller himself gave them the keys to the car. They just have to get in and drive.

If Nancy and Chuck don’t push impeachment as an election issue, I think that’s a major, major mistake now. Before the Mueller Report, I didn’t know. Now that we have multiple lines of text that spell out — sometimes literally and specifically — that what he did was impeachable AF, it’s time for the No-Balls Democrats to grow them. Or better ovaries if you think that metaphor is too old for the #MeToo era.

Failing to act now would be a sign of extreme weakness to voters. The same voters the Dems need to turn out in force like they did six months ago for the mid-terms. Impeaching Trump for what is readily seen in even the redacted version of the report will only be controversial in places where people are burrowed the furthest up his puckered, old asshole. Making impeachment a topline lissue for congressional voting means that even if you can’t defeat him in the election, you can maintain control of Congress and defeat him afterward. You need voter turnout, and making it clear to the masses that if they keep you in control, and better yet expand it, Trump could be removed from office is a pretty, pretty, prettttty good (h/t Larry David) way to inspire turnout.

Nixon won his second election. He still resigned in disgrace less than two years later. There is always hope, but not when elected leaders sit on their thumbs.

One way or the other, it’s time to fire up not just the Democratic base, but the base of intelligent Americans who can see right through a farcical charade so absurd that even I, the world’s foremost and amazing satirist, could never come close to concocting.

He needs to be impeached. Yesterday. Now is not the time for feckless leadership. And I’ll just leave everyone with this:

It would appear that, at least in Mueller’s view, there’s a chance that the infamous Pee-Pee tape is very real.

I wonder what else Trump may not have been truthful about. Oh, right, it’s all in the Mueller Report that doesn’t remotely come close to fully or even partially exonerating Trump of fuck-all.

Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook and Instagram, but not Twitter because he has a potty mouth.

James' newest satirical compilation is out now and available from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and soon at

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